When will this be over? Am I going to have to sit here and hurt for the rest of my life? Failure, after failure, moving from person to person, never seeming to be able to keep the people I care for? I suppose so.What can I say that can take away all of the wrongs I have made? Would someone explain them to me? Maybe then this little misunderstanding can be done and over with. I am getting tired. So tired in fact I've contemplating ending it all here. But no...no I can't do it here. There are too many people it would hurt so I have to stay until it's my time to go. I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time in my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in front of me. I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try. Basically, if I felt horny, and wasn't goingout with anyone, and Dave was between relationships, wewould meet up, and have fun. This was such a time. However,this time, Dave told me he wanted to try something different.He promised me that I would be safe, but that there wouldbe many other guys there.All of whom I did not know. I was pretty weird-ed out at first,but I trusted Dave, in that he would never hurt me, so I wentfor it. A tall strawberry blonde, in a ponytail, with anathletic build, jogging shorts, and a t-shirt, I walkedalong this path, to the dense grove of trees. As I approached,I saw Teki torches in a circle around a clearing, orangeflickering light casting long shadows away from the grove.I looked into the grove, and gasped, as I found what lookedalmost like a ceremony of some sort, with about forty-fivemen, all nude, of a variety of different builds, ages, andbackgrounds, gathered in a circle, around what lookedto be a crude bed. A mattress set upon four evenly.
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